Friday, January 05, 2007

Save Big Money at Menard's????

I have been pondering this post for some time now and it's finally come to fruition. You know we are in the middle of a rather large remodeling project in our basement right now. It all began with that Egress Window some time ago and is now become the addition of TWO bedrooms in our basement. SO - that overhaul required a trip to Menard's - our handy-dandy do-it-yourself "drop a wod" here store. I must say right off the bat that I HATE Menard's - no offense to the man (don't ask me how I'm sure it was a man - I just know!!) who started this wonderful chain of building stores - I just do not find anything even remotely intriguing about tools, lumber, doors in displays or windows that someone has time to keep immaculately clean. And the worse part - you get men into that store and you CAN NOT and I mean CAN NOT get them out!!! (Just ask our kids- they know from first-hand experience! Our family refrain in the Menard's parking lot is, "Mom, Don't let Dad go in there - he'll never come back.") On my birthday yes, that bears repeating ON MY BIRTHDAY Joe and I have a very nice evening out that also entailed a stop at Menard's. I prayed that something would happen before we got there but alas, the van performed dutifully and got us to the parking lot of the world's largest building to hold an overabundance of testosterone. I am not kidding - you just walk into that place and you feel it - "I am not a man, I know nothing about power tools, and even Tim-the-Toolman-Taylor would feel out of his element in here." So there we were walking the aisles and I hear the dreaded, "Why don't you just look here and I'll get what I need." Those words send chills up my spine - the hair begins to stand on end - and I feel weak in the knees. I mean, how do I tell the man that I dearly love that I can not let him be alone in this store?!?! To leave him unattended is dangerous - as I'm sure most women can attest to. First of all - you may NEVER find them again but IF you do - you will be sure to find a cart overflowing with items that are all necessities to the next big project - BECAUSE "you'll never know which tool I'll need for this project." I bathed my answer in prayer and choked out a feeble, "Ok dear, I'll be right in these two aisles when you get done." There - I had done it - I let him go unattended. I must interject here the only TWO good things about Menards - the scrapbook aisle and the photo frame aisle. Yes - I spent 20 heavenly minutes looking over the two aisles I could feel comfortable in and thought - ok, it's been too long - he'll be needing me. So off I went to find the long-lost husband in a VERY dangerous store. I walked aisle after aisle where he told me he'd be and began to feel the sweat trickling down my back. He wasn't here - he said he'd be in these aisles - that could only mean ONE thing - he got sidetracked! That sends panic into any woman - a man sidetracked in Menards - I began to walk faster on the hunt for my lost man. Ok, I began to RUN to find my lost man!! This was serious - I could just feel the cart filling as I was running throughout the store. I had about given up and was going to resort to the old - could-you-page-my-husband-trick (just kidding, really I've never tried that - but it might be fun!!) when I heard it - my husband's voice in the next aisle talking to an unknown masculine voice. I rounded the corner and heard, "Oh yeah, my project is an 8x12 room - I'm trying to decide which 2 by 4's I'll need and then decide on the insulation." It had begun - the dreaded men-comparing-building-projects talk. (I should have stayed in the scrapbook aisles.) It continued for some time and culminated with, "Well man, looks like we both have plenty of lumber - let's go tackle it." Yes - I could almost hear Tim-the-Toolman's hardy "ARRR, ARRR" on the end of that comment. And he said it with such glee, such gusto, as if there is anything remotely fun about having a bulging cart full of lumber, nails, insulation, etc. that only means two things: WORK and MESS! Oh but I must say - we didn't just have ONE bulging cart - we had TWO carts and all you wives know what that means - yes, you get to push one!!! And there is no easy cart to push in Menard's - these are the larger-than-life, never-go-where-you-push-them carts. I felt like a total klutz trying to maneuver this gigantic cart with a million logs on it throughout this maze-of-a-store to find the front cashiers where, and I am not kidding, it is almost impossible to get a cart through those checkout aisles. The whole time, I am sure, they have cameras posted throughout the store just to take pictures of unsuspecting, helpful wives such as myself as we try to be obliging and haul these monster carts up to the front. It is not a pretty picture and the whole time I'm thinking "It's my birthday and I'm hauling an over sized load (NOT ME- the cart!!) to the front of Menards." Then - hundreds of dollars later and nothing to show for it except wood, nails, power tools, NOTHING SUBSTANTIAL - off we go - to pile it all into our minivan - it was a treat, let me tell you - I think the cameras are outside too just to catch the whole parking-lot fiasco. The cart is rolling as you unload the lumber - how are we going to get this back hatch to close - you get the picture!! Well, we made it home, poorer, more tired, but Joe is in his element working in the basement - inches of drywall dust cover my home - we won't even go there - but I am thankful for a husband that even attempts these sorts of things - and then pulls them off brilliantly - thanks Dad too for your help - it's the whole testosterone thing - they thrive on projects such as these!

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Time for the disclaimer. This is only one possible story about shopping. A sequal will be coming.... Shopping Mall Confessions - a man's view.

nikki said...

On your birthday?????????
You are a better wife than I am, but Joe is very handy and it is so great that he is interested in improving your home!!!!
Just gotta get thru the rough and messy start to enjoy the finished products.

Mr.Brian said...

That is one of the best posts I ever read.I truely think that one could be published in some magazine.
And by the way is that anonymous comment maybe from a person we know? Joe?????
LOLOLOLOL I am sure it would be good to hear about when Becky gets in a book store or coffe shop.
Becky??????

Steffie B. said...

Welcome to my world! Menards for David is like Toys R Us! Everything you wrote....I have been through! SEVERAL TIMES! The dry wall dust.....that is the worst! I go through a vaccum cleaner a year because of our remodeling projects. And once again, we will be having another project due to our next adoption. When we go into the store we have to take our Nextel's so I can keep track of him. Now mind you, I love "redecorating" so I can go look at the "pretty stuff" for a while.....but a woman can breeze through the aisles like they are nothing. Like it....nope....like it....yes...mental note....the men can stare at lumber, nails and power tools forever! Boggles my mind.....I'm thinking just get what you need and move on already! So......I can relate to you 100%, but I don't break out into a sweat like you do! :)

Karen F. said...

We don't have Mendards - Lowe's and Home Depot around here . . .
although, for my husband the big black hole of shopping is either Best Buy or Guitar Showcase - you just don't want to be waiting in the car while he's in there!
Happy Belated Birthday and my condolences on the man shopping!

Emmie said...

O, like my mom said we know how you feel. I absolutley HATE that store. Now it comes to the point where we make my dad go by himself and don't expect him to be home for awhile. :)

Teresa said...

Well, as we are 6 years into our 5-year project of remodeling our house, I can pretty much determine that a hefty wad of our cash-on-hand went into the coffers of the now-EX CEO of Home Depot's exit fund of $210M dollars! The mere mention of going to Home Depot has Peter screaming, "NOOOOOO!" However, I do like my new bedroom and the kids rooms and my laundry room currently being created upstairs by my ever-so-handy husband. He can spend HOURS at Home Depot and Lowes, but bring him to the mall to go shopping with me and he becomes exhausted within 10 minutes.

You can see our remodeling projects if you want: www.rthorvet.net and click the remodel button.

Teresa

Anonymous said...

That is such a good story. You should put it in magazine. But if anonymous is Joe he can be just as bad at the mall,too. I can remember times it took him hours to get one shirt. So I feel really sorry for you. Love MV

Verna said...

Been there, done that, nuff said but I am worse for getting caught up in shopping than Keith is. He is a hunter, gatherer at Menard's and all stores in general!!

Mariah said...

I remember Menard's when I lived in Omaha, but now it is Home Depot and Lowe's but I've never seen a scrapbooking section! You are so funny! My Dad has the same problem, I can see my Mom's eyes roll when he says he needs to go to Lowe's in the middle of a project!
By the way, I have a website to help you with the background stuff! I will locate it and let you know!! If you want you can leave me a comment with your email and I won't publish it on my site. If you feel comfortable?

eggrolls and chopsticks said...

Wow....your DIY store has a scrapbooking aisle. We don't even get that, nope nothing but ugly manly man stuff in ours. And the carts are bright orange so you can see them coming a mile away. Love this post , so funny.

a&mg said...

We don't have any Menard's around here...

Happy belated birthday!

Sharlotte said...

Menards is a chain of home improvement stores. I found out that your blog concerns the company. I did not have a chance to personally deal with the products and the services of Menards, but I did read a lot about it. The reviews are more negative, than positive. Consumers are not happy with the quality of goods and maintenance services. Check out www.pissedconsumer.com for more information.

When you are harvesting your crops and forget to bring in a bundle of grain from your field, don't go back to get it. Leave it for the foreigners, orphans and widows. Then the LORD your God will bless you in all you do.
~Deuteronomy 24:19

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