Wednesday, January 10, 2007

"Heart" Matters

I had a scary morning Monday morning and there is no explainable reason for it except to see God talking to me. I had just gotten out of the shower and I had extreme chest pain - I have never had pain like that - I went right to the floor - hoping laying down would help - I could hardly breathe - I am not exaggerating - it was VERY scary. I've had three babies - so I KNOW pain :) but this was very different - laying there, I remember thinking, "I'm not sure I'm going to make it." The boys came to see what was wrong and they were able to bring me the phone and then take Chloe away. I called Joe and he was concerned but said he'd be right home when I mentioned I was losing feeling in my left arm. So here comes Joe - he finds me on the floor - dripping with sweat - and an ugly shade of grey. He called the doctor and, to make a long story short, our doctor really felt it could not be heart - as I was too young - (bless his heart - he said I was TOO young!!!). To his credit - he checked on me off and on that day and yes, the pain did go away. You know though - as I'm laying on the floor - I was in so much pain that all of those strange thoughts went through my head - "No Lord - not yet, my kids still need a Mom." "I still have a baby in China that needs a mom - and China will never let us adopt if I have heart problems." "I want to be with You (Lord) but they still need me here." "How will Joe handle this all on his own?" I am not kidding - all of those thoughts ran through my head - God didn't give me any immediate answers to those but it has caused me to think - - - - I need to enjoy each day more - instead of always looking ahead to the "next big event". Wishing my time away will not help - it will only make me lose sight of the present. I want to enjoy my family more - they are not trying to create more work (a little smile here) they are blessings that I have been given for only a VERY short time. Wishing for a better financial state will not help either - we both work hard - we pay our bills - that is how God wants us to live. I could go on and on - it has REALLY made me think - maybe too deeply, but it has been good introspection - and sometimes we need that. I am thanking God for the "heart" pain that has caused my "heart" to look at things differently. Oh and by the way - Joe brought home LIGHT margarine for lunch that day and is deciding on an exercise plan for BOTH of us (at least it's for him too - because I HATE exercise - it makes me sweat!!) so we are making some changes - needed or not -it was a wake up call. These earthly bodies are not eternal - they are limited - but our spirits are the only things that matter. AND yes, the diagnosis at this point???? Severe indigestion - You've got to be kidding - I only had a waffle for breakfast - oh, maybe it was the jalapeno syrup!!!!

17 comments:

Mr.Brian said...

Becky what a terrible scare that must have been.I thank God you are OK.
True that it can be a wake up call for things in our life,however I do think there could have been a less scarie way.
If that ever happens again you go in and have things checked out.I am thankfull the boys were right there to help you.

eggrolls and chopsticks said...

So glad you are OK but you DID get checked out properly right????????

Don't ignore this please please please.


I loved your conversation with God and all the rationalization. So sweet.

Steffie B. said...

Ok.....I am crying as I read this. It took me forever to get through because of my tears. I have not had anything scary like that happen to me, but I did go out and get David and I gym memberships for Christmas. I keep telling myself and him that we owe it to our children to be healthy so we can be here for them as long as we are suppose to be. I also am not afraid of dying, but I am afraid of leaving my children behind before they are grown. I hope you will not take this issue lightly. Heart burn does not usually make one fall to the floor and go grey! I will keep you in my prayers my dear , dear friend, who I am so connected to through our Red Thread!

Anonymous said...

So glad you're OK. I will definitly keep you in my thoughts and prayers! Keep us posted!!
Emmie*

Verna said...

I'm with Stef--don't take it lightly. While it is good to hear from God and I appreciate your thougths and rationale, heartburn does not make you turn gray. Gallbladder, maybe. At any rate, we care too much to lose you.
Crazy med tech that I am is concerned for your health, physical not spiritual.

Anonymous said...

I am so glad you are ok. But like everyone else said be careful. I would have the Doctor give you a stress test to make sure everything is ok.
I would really hate to see anything happen to you, you mean the world to me, just like my daughter. Love MV

nikki said...

I agree with everyone else -- don't underestimate this situation. Get a second opinion.

But, thank you for sharing from your "heart" about what you were discussing with God. It is always good to re-focus on what is important.
Love you!!!

Steffie B. said...

The group has spoken.....second opinion needed. I've tried calling you three times today? Where are you and all your little indians?!?!?!?

Beckyb said...

I TOTALLY did not post this to cause alarm - two doctors tell me not to worry - I am too young - so I let it go at that. But I got home today after being gone all afteroon and I have literally 20+ emails and 8 messages on my answering machine and ALL of them are encouraging me to get this checked further. OK - Stef, you are right - the group has spoken - I will call and see if I can get in and get it checked - I must admit it will also put Joe and I at ease as well! It was scary but I do feel fine now - maybe more tired, but who couldn't use another couple hours of sleep?!?!?! So - I'll keep you all posted!! Thanks for the concern- - I do feel prayed for and loved!! :)

Mr.Brian said...

Thank you thank you thank you.It will put many minds at ease. And yes do keep us posted.
I do not agree that anyone is ever to young for a heart problems.

nikki said...

So glad to hear that you are going to get checked out further. You are loved by many!

Steffie B. said...

I also agree with Mr. Brian.....you are never too young for anything. It won't hurt to investigate a little further.
Hugs.....

Jenny said...

Oh my gosh, Becky! I am so thankful that you are ok. Wow. Thank you , Lord. And, NO MORE JALEPENO SYRUP, for corn's sake.

SAndra said...

How scary for you...my goodness! I am glad you are having this checked out a bit further. It can't hurt any, but if there is another issues, at least you can take care of it!

Karen F. said...

So thankful that it was indigestion . . . but thankful that you had it as well - sounds like a hard, wonderful, scary, affirming experience!

gwen said...

okay, crying just reading about this day ...i say start that exercise program sweat or no sweat ..you have a mighty mission here on earth as a mom!! will pray for you .. i am an excercise guru if you need any tips ... another reason we should live next door ... you could fix all my computer/blog problems and i could force you to walk with me everyday..ha,ha,ha..

gwen

dublin said...

I am glad you are going to get this thoroughly checked out rather than just accepting the assumption "You are too young for heart problems." I am surprised that your doctor would just make such an assumption based on your age alone. I agree with everyone else and think further testing is in order. That is the RN in me speaking!

When you are harvesting your crops and forget to bring in a bundle of grain from your field, don't go back to get it. Leave it for the foreigners, orphans and widows. Then the LORD your God will bless you in all you do.
~Deuteronomy 24:19

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