Wednesday, January 10, 2007
I had a scary morning Monday morning and there is no explainable reason for it except to see God talking to me. I had just gotten out of the shower and I had extreme chest pain - I have never had pain like that - I went right to the floor - hoping laying down would help - I could hardly breathe - I am not exaggerating - it was VERY scary. I've had three babies - so I KNOW pain :) but this was very different - laying there, I remember thinking, "I'm not sure I'm going to make it." The boys came to see what was wrong and they were able to bring me the phone and then take Chloe away. I called Joe and he was concerned but said he'd be right home when I mentioned I was losing feeling in my left arm. So here comes Joe - he finds me on the floor - dripping with sweat - and an ugly shade of grey. He called the doctor and, to make a long story short, our doctor really felt it could not be heart - as I was too young - (bless his heart - he said I was TOO young!!!). To his credit - he checked on me off and on that day and yes, the pain did go away. You know though - as I'm laying on the floor - I was in so much pain that all of those strange thoughts went through my head - "No Lord - not yet, my kids still need a Mom." "I still have a baby in China that needs a mom - and China will never let us adopt if I have heart problems." "I want to be with You (Lord) but they still need me here." "How will Joe handle this all on his own?" I am not kidding - all of those thoughts ran through my head - God didn't give me any immediate answers to those but it has caused me to think - - - - I need to enjoy each day more - instead of always looking ahead to the "next big event". Wishing my time away will not help - it will only make me lose sight of the present. I want to enjoy my family more - they are not trying to create more work (a little smile here) they are blessings that I have been given for only a VERY short time. Wishing for a better financial state will not help either - we both work hard - we pay our bills - that is how God wants us to live. I could go on and on - it has REALLY made me think - maybe too deeply, but it has been good introspection - and sometimes we need that. I am thanking God for the "heart" pain that has caused my "heart" to look at things differently. Oh and by the way - Joe brought home LIGHT margarine for lunch that day and is deciding on an exercise plan for BOTH of us (at least it's for him too - because I HATE exercise - it makes me sweat!!) so we are making some changes - needed or not -it was a wake up call. These earthly bodies are not eternal - they are limited - but our spirits are the only things that matter. AND yes, the diagnosis at this point???? Severe indigestion - You've got to be kidding - I only had a waffle for breakfast - oh, maybe it was the jalapeno syrup!!!!
When you are harvesting your crops and forget to bring in a bundle of grain from your field, don't go back to get it. Leave it for the foreigners, orphans and widows. Then the LORD your God will bless you in all you do.