Hanging by a Very Thin Thread

It's been a day - many of you had no idea this was even happening but this was a big day for us. We applied for a Child Of Promise (special needs) child that was to be decided on today. We waited all day and saw others being turned down but we were getting hopeful since we were hearing nothing. Finally - just when we were overly optimisitc - we got the call about 3:30 that we had also not been chosen for this little one. We told ourselves over and over that it was all in God's hands (and it was) but that doesn't lessen the disappointment. God is good and He'll pick us back up and probably make us want to do it all over again when a new list comes out but for right now we are disappointed, sad (many tears shed over here) and just plain bummed!

To top it off - our social worker found two glitches in our paperwork so it has to all come back to Orange City again, get fixed, only to turn around again and go through the whole process in Grand Rapids - will we ever even make it to China this year?!?!?!?!? Yes, one more bummer for the day - now we are told the wait is up close to two years for a referral - I am not in a hurry but WOW - that is quite a long wait. I think that is partly why the special needs list appealed to us so much - we could get a little one much sooner so that she and Chloe would be closer in age.

I will say it again - God is in control!!! (This is for me - not for all of you!! :) ) I know the truth of that but is it ever hard to understand when you are in the midst. I got so many wonderful phone calls and emails today - you don't know how much it means to have friends that care - in particular - one email had the words I needed this afternoon -

"Take care, Becky -- may you rest quietly in the peace of knowing that while
this little girl isn't part of God's plan right now, He does have a child in His
plan for you. I tell myself this all the time -- one of these days, He's going to show me the face of the child He has planned for us. And when I hold that little one in my arms for the first time, I will completely understand why other things in life fell
through... and I will even praise Him for it. I can't wait for that day!"

So - there it is - our day in a nutshell - not the best ever - kind of one of those where you'd just rather crawl into bed and forget it, but don't get me wrong - I have much to be thankful for - and I am confident that God's plan is better for me than anything I could come up with myself. And my prayer was too that this little one would just find a home - and that she did. One of my favorite songs has been a good reminder for me today - it goes like this:

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name
Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing you pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing you pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord Blessed be your name.
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

God is still "showing Himself to us" though in the midst of this - we got a
call today that we had been accepted for another grant!!!! There is
the smile in our day!